Today seemed relatively normal, although it was spent on the couch cuddled up to my little bro watching horror flicks. When I went off to work everything was the same as always, I don't know what I was expecting, I've been trying to distance myself from the idea of a relationship for a long time now. Everything seemed normal, I still thought the same way, wondering if so and so liked me, still worried about my hair and sucking in my tummy, still thinking I could probably get them to ask me out. This is going to be harder than I thought. Its difficult to break out of the norm. Today I found myself trying o walk taller around certain people and still trying to compete with people who seem to have it all figured out. I want to do fun things like going hiking with one of my coworkers who had offered and going paint balling with a couple of friends but even at that point I had looked to the future as though all my crushes would be there and would give us a chance to connect and get them to really like me. In a situation like this I often leave disappointed and ignored, I practically set my self up for failure at just having fun and lets face it, those are the moments that help lead a person to finding out who they are. I want my life to be like the teen romance novels and the cheesy Sparks movies that make every girls toes curl, but that just makes me more reliant on a man, and that's not what I want out of this last summer home, I don't want that "Summer Lovin," if I'm going to fall in love with anyone, I want it to be me. I have tolove me before anyone else can love me.
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